The one who leaves, for some reason, always becomes a kind of beautiful archetype, which we romanticize. Sometimes it’s very hard for us to live with it and we want to get rid of the past and forget everything. Sometimes we get used to it and humble ourselves. And sometimes both.
This may be a former boyfriend / girlfriend, boyfriend / girlfriend or former lover. For many years I clung to one like that. He was a friend, a lover, but never a "former."
And when I realized that he would never be mine, it was like snow on my head: quickly, but unexpectedly. I was resigned to this for a long time. And now, through what stage I went:
I denied the truth.
Everything could happen. I could do everything for this. Everything should have been good.
And I tried to get it back in all ways. I seduced, humiliated, pressed on pity, I said everything that came to my mind: how much I loved him, how much I hated, how I couldn’t accept his “no” and how much it hurt me.
I believed that if you love someone very much, then that is enough. I felt like my life was a love affair, and it’s just a black streak in a relationship. We had to be together.
And although I am ashamed of much at this stage, I am also proud. I did not leave nothing said. I tried everything. I will not regret anything that I did not have time to say something, because I fully expressed all my feelings and thoughts.
Attempt to friendship
Since we met for a long time, we became good friends, so we did not want to completely lose each other.
He even wanted more than that and thought that our relationship could be platonic.
But we were never true friends. For many years we were the ones who never met, but slept with each other. I could not turn off my feelings for him.
From time to time it all ended with my tears or our sex (and sometimes both). I believed that he felt something to me. Attempt to friendship only all aggravated. She gave me hope that was not there.
Pain and mental suffering
This separation was the most painful. My grief was more than life. I cried because I knew that I had lost both a friend and a lover. I lost a future that I had spent so much in my hopes.
I was overwhelmed with sadness and all the attendant emotions. I haven't eaten anything. Only the duty to walk the dog lifted me out of bed.It seemed that not only my soul ached, but also my whole body. I could not sleep.
I stopped believing in love. How could life allow me to love someone so much and that in the end nothing happened?
I had difficult breaks before, but I never doubted that I would find love again. But this time I did not believe in anything.
I told him not to write or call me. I erased his number and deleted it from all social networks. It was a relief.
Until I did this, I did not notice how much I watched him online. I counted the minutes between his replies to my messages. I knew a second when he appeared online.
I always expected him to pay attention to me. I was completely in it, and the removal of all means of communication with him was a breath of fresh air, as if I had let go of a load that pulled me to the bottom.
I stopped going to his favorite cafe. This gave me a reason to discover new places in the city.
I removed all the reminders about him from the apartment, and also reminders in the FB that show your photos a year ago.
I did everything to not intersect with him in real life and in my thoughts. It did not always work, but it helped.I could control myself again - my actions and thoughts.
Distract yourself with meetings with friends
I forced myself to meet friends and new people. To be the most socially active.
I began to remember all those with whom I had not communicated for a long time, even those who I didn’t particularly like. And I found some new friends.
Avoid the former hard, almost impossible, if you have nothing to distract. Sometimes the thought of him just consumed me, because I learned to have fun without him.
The most difficult thing about this is that you need to be prepared. Holding on to the one who left is like a drug. I didn't want to let him go. I did not want to go any further. I had to clean up, survive breaking, but in the end, everything went. I became clean. Clean and free from it.