I am a cheater. And, of course, if you changed once, then you always change, right? You can immediately condemn me, put a stigma. After all, people tend to do this, even on an instinctive level, even if it is just to distinguish themselves and others. We have, and there are others.
There are those who change, and those who do not change.
Even politicians use this property of a person, forcing people to unite against those who are not like them - according to their skin color, orientation, etc. And, of course, it is much easier to find a moral reason to isolate themselves from the traitors. But sometimes this biased opinion can pave the way for you where you are not going to go.
After all, is it a matter of treason? Need to dig deeper.The point is in public stereotypes.If a woman does not marry before a certain age, she is an old maid or a whore. If a man does not marry at one time, then he is a sissy. We think that something is wrong with them, since they are alone. We create norms that force some people to rush into marriage in order to carry out a “community program.”However, some people just by nature and psychology can not be with one person all my life. Or they just haven't found their man yet. And what should they do?
Looking at public stereotypes, photos of sweet couples on Facebook, a person can decide to agree on the relationship that they have, almost with the first person they meet, simply because “it's time”, “it's necessary”and so on. And then what? And then he becomes unhappy in a marriage with an unloved person, making him unhappy.
Cheating does not occur in a happy relationship. In this I am absolutely sure.I do not believe that cheating is not another person who I liked by chance, not sex or something like that. Treason is the result of unhappiness in relationships.
The cheater wants to leave, but cannot say it out loud. Or he wants a better relationship, but does not know how to ask for what he lacks. He cannot solve problems in himself and in relationships. And in order to solve internal problems, he resorts to the help of external factors: alcohol, shopping, other people. Just as we consume material things, we consume other people. But this is also temporary.
The first instinctive is shame.Shame a man for his bad behavior. But it is just as useless as dunking a puppy with a muzzle in a puddle, which he did not do where he needed, instead of teaching him or giving him to a nursery (everything is exaggerated, do not take it literally).
When treason occurs, if you do not want to part, you need to stop blaming and look at the root of the problem.Yes, there will be frustration, distrust and pain. But do not blame and shame.
My man helped me so much. We discussed our problems and now I am happy and do not change in a happy relationship.