As a psychologist, I want to note that one of the most common questions of my clients is “how do I know when I have to part with someone?” And variations on the topic: “I really love him, but what if we fail? How to find out? ”, Or more cardinal“ Maybe we can get a divorce? ”.
Yes, this is the most difficult decision: to part with someone or work hard in order to improve relations. And what if nothing happens? And what if I try in vain?
The following 7 questions to ask yourself may help you shed light on the prospects for your relationship:
1. Do your goals for the future and life values, priorities coincide?If you want to travel the world and do not particularly like children, but your partner wants to settle down and have a couple of babies, this is quite a big gap between you that you can’t just fix and find a compromise. The same applies to views about religion, sometimes even politics - everything that is extremely important to you.
2. Is your partner honest and faithful?Honesty and respect are the keys to successful long-term relationships.If you have already faced a serious lie in a relationship, this is a problem that is unlikely to be solved with time.
3. Do you like this person?Maybe the question sounds silly, but think: after all the quarrels, disagreements, problems, are you still glad that you are with him? If you met him now, already knowing his shortcomings, which were not visible during the times of blind love, would he interest you?
It is very important to feel that you attract each other so far, and not that you are together, simply because you owe each other something.
4. Is your partner interested in personal growth?Over time, you will change and grow. And it is important that your person grows too. Otherwise, you can outrun him and feel that he pulls you back like a burden. See if he has goals, aspirations, and how they match your perspectives.
5. Does this person appreciate you?Does he make you feel happy and loved? Does he treat you with respect or indulge in humiliating jokes? It should be a positive addition to your life.
6. How are you communicating?Are you free to express your needs, desires, feelings? Can you not agree with him, but at the same time not start a quarrel? Positive communication is becoming increasingly important in a relationship over time.
7Are you often happy or sad?If you cry more often than you smile, and this is not just a black streak in life, this is a clear sign of a bad relationship. This may seem obvious, but it's really amazing how often people ignore their own happiness when they decide to leave or stay.
It is normal to sometimes quarrel and experience difficult times, but it is not normal to make trouble every day and constantly cry. If you are trying to establish relationships all the time, it’s unhealthy, perhaps they are not worth your effort.