Even among first graders there is a division into popular and unpopular classmates.
It is good if the child is simply ignored or tolerated, but much worse, if dislike is manifested with aggression and ridicule.
There are children whom this situation does not bother at all - they live in their own closed world, but there are schoolchildren who suffer greatly from the inability to change things.
You can influence the situationin junior schoolwhen communication between peers is still at the level of joint games, and the composition of the standing groups (circles of friends) is still unclear. At this age, children listen to adults, to the opinions of parents and teachers, they expect support and help from them.
If the child’s corrective problems cannot be corrected by the upper grades, the same thing awaits him both in student and work teams.
The main reasons for unfriendliness:
Natalya Grigorenko, psychologist:“It’s quite difficult to identify clear reasons for a child’s unpopularity in school. Communication between people in each team is different. To find out the true reason and help the student, you need to talk with him personally. Of course, a lot depends on the team, the right behavior of adults, in particular, parents. In no case should you leave the child alone in such a difficult situation. ”.
To identify the true reasons for the unpopularity of your child,talk to him as much as possible. Not about a specific problem, but just about anything and everything. Talk about how things are at school, maybe in passing pops up information about relationships in the classroom, about emerging issues.Analyze the behavior of the child on weekdays and at weekends.
Such “signals” can talk about problems in communicating with classmates.:
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What to do?
It is important that the child does not break down during the time he remains rejected: he did not become angry, did not close, and did not lower his hands.
Communicative problems. Teach your child to talk about themselves, their hobbies, to be interested in the desires and aspirations of other people. Explain how to keep the conversation going. Encourage his desire to call peers, but first discuss what he wants to say. Having spoken and comprehending the information, your undergraduate will feel more relaxed during a telephone conversation.
If the child is shy. Talk to the teacher so that he includes your student in a joint extracurricular (or school) activity. It is important to create a situation of successful debut. Such a move will help the child feel more confident.
Difficulties in communication can also appear in children who are intrusiveseek leadership. Teach your child to express their desires, needs, feelings. Explain that this will help others understand them and respond more adequately to them.
Mom Olya from our forum tells:“My son is constantly fighting with his classmates, bullying them, the teachers no longer know what to do. They are going to exclude them from the pool because he jumps into the water, dabbles, without demand. We talked with a psychologist, discussed all the details - it turns out that this is a struggle for leadership. The child draws attention so that neither children nor adults no longer notice anyone. Here we are working on the problem, we are discussing with the son how it is possible to achieve leadership in a different way. ”.
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School failurealso affects the attitude of classmates.All children have different abilities, and it is silly to demand from everyone to be an excellent student. So that the child does not feel slighted, find him an extracurricular activity where he can be realized. Encourage new hobbies of your student, offer new options. Help him find himself.
Physical defects or features of appearance. Here you need to act immediately! When a defect cannot be fixed immediately, compensate it physically or psychologically. Let a very fat child go on a diet and go in for sports, and a weak and thin one will increase physical exertion. If there are no problems with communication skills, then very soon peers will no longer notice the external shortcomings of a cheerful and kind friend.
Low income parents. If the class is of the opinion that the position of a person is determined by his material wealth, then the child will be difficult to convey that this is not the most important thing in life. He also wants to be, like everyone is expensive to dress, have an expensive gadget, etc. When choosing clothes, you can easily follow a habit: choose things of the same style, but less popular brands: the schoolchild will not look worse.Teach your child to save money for the desired thing, explain to him the value of the money earned.
Transfer to another school or class. Often an abrupt team change is accompanied by stress. But now the child needs to abstract: look at the groups created in the team, choose similar hobbies, attitudes, interests. He needs to be active, but not intrusive, to engage in joint activities, because classmates need to learn about the novice as much as possible.
Natalya Grigorenko, psychologist:“If in kindergarten or in another school there were no problems with communication with classmates, then in the new class some circumstances appeared that provoke the child’s defense mechanisms. Ask every day how the day went to school, let him draw pictures on the theme “My School”, “My Class”, “My School Friends”, “My First Teacher”, “My Best Friend”, “I and the Class”, etc. d. Of course, not all at once, but gradually. Ask what he drew, whom he depicted in black, brown or gray, what size, in which part of the sheet. The drawings will show you the problem. ”
Of course, the reasons for not developing relationships in the classroom can be much more.But the main thing for you is to believe in your child, talk to him as much as possible about his life and possible problems. Help him find friends, because the support of relatives and peers is an important component of social adaptation.
Be attentive to your child.