You meet your man, you think that you have found that same One. You are planning a wedding and already imagine your happy family life. The wedding is really beautiful, smart honeymoon, but then ... then suddenly a shock.
A child appears, and now you understand that everything is not at all the way you imagined. This is a fairly common scenario, but it is not guilty. Most likely, you just had unrealistic expectations of what you want in marriage.
Waiting number 1: you think that the honeymoon will be eternal.
At the beginning of a relationship, you saw in each other what you wanted, idealized, projected your ideal onto a person, and you yourself behaved as good as possible. But this cannot go on forever. The actual honeymoon will end, then your honeymoon of your real emotions will end, when you get tired of being always good, and become yourself.
And in fact, this is what you must want - so that the relationship becomes real as soon as possible, because then two adults can grow and develop together.
Expectation # 2: you believe that love alone is enough.
A good marriage is the result not only of the love of two people, but of their active efforts to create it, which includes the ability to forgive, respect, communicate, and find compromises. A good marriage is obtained with experience.
Expectation number 3: you want the perfect spouse.
Now he may seem perfect - because of his efforts, or because of your blind love. But life will soon begin, and if you don’t look at things realistically, you will be disappointed.
Expectation # 4: you want to change it to make it perfect.
People do change with age: they develop and mature. The problem is rather that you set the framework and determine the timing, how quickly it should change, and how. But you should not determine his personality, what he needs and what he should become. You need to know who you are, what you need and how you change.
You must motivate each other to change and grow, and not to reproach, persuade and try to change each other on their own.
Expectation # 5: you want relationships like parents / friends / neighbors.
Own parents are the first and main example by which we learn what relationships should be in a family.Regardless of whether your parents had good or bad, your expectations are based on this. Realize this in order to really look at things, and not treat your children's complexes.
And even more so it is not necessary to compare their relations with the family of a friend or neighbor. That which seems outwardly perfect can be rotten inside. You are two completely different people, and your relationship will never be like the others.